Signs of a Damaging Relationship

No one wants to end up in a damaging relationship, but it can be difficult to recognize if we’re a part of one or not. I myself have been there, and I didn’t even realize what my life had become until I was free again. If your relationship has any of these signs, you might want to consider packing your bags:

1.) Your partner puts you down. Even slight putdowns and backhanded compliments can build up over time, and not only are they hurtful, they’re downright psychotic. Under no circumstance should you be with someone that makes you feel stupid or insignificant. No matter what you have done, your partner should be there to build you up, not tear you down.

2.) You feel the need to hide things from your partner. If you came out of the supermarket, found a scratch on your car door and instantly thought about how you can cover this up before your significant other sees it, that’s not healthy behavior. Things happen, and wallowing in constant fear of how they may react to any given situation is a horrible, horrible way to live.

3.) They try to change you. You don’t want someone that will try and change you but someone that loves you for who you are. Of course this tends to be a gray line. If you are severely overweight and smoke three packs a day and your partner is asking you to live a healthier lifestyle, that’s one thing. If your boyfriend or girlfriend asks you to “do something with your hair” every time you leave the house to avoid their own embarrassment, that’s quite another.

4.) There’s a lack of trust. Trust is one of the foundations of a healthy, caring relationship, and if your significant other is constantly second guessing your loyalty, you might have a problem. Someone that constantly calls to “check up on you”, has jealous fits or accuses you of lying is not someone who loves you; it’s someone who wants to control you.

5.) You’re not equals. It doesn’t matter who makes more money or who works more hours, if you’re feeling trapped because you aren’t able to make your own decisions, it’s a sign of trouble. No one should have power over another in a relationship; you should both be equals and have an equal say in the issues you come across.

6.) You keep their actions a secret. If you don’t tell your friends what your partner says or does behind closed doors, chances are it’s not healthy. Everyone fights, and everyone says things they don’t mean at one point or another, but we all know what we are able to share and what we aren’t. Even if you did tell someone and immediately had to defend them by saying something like, “But he’s really not a bad guy…” guess what: he really is a bad guy. Pack your bags.

And don’t forget; for dorm safety items (like pepper spray, safes and personal alarms), check out our store at www.secureoncampus.com, and for dorm decorations (like dorm lighting, fun drinking games, and wall decals) check out our store at www.thegoodlifeoncampus.com!

Should Guns be Allowed On Campus?

Hey Tumblr world, we’d like to know your opinion on this!

This is a great article talking about gun rights on campus. Meanwhile though, we’d love to get your guys’ opinions on the matter: should people be allowed to carry guns on campus? We’ve got a few pros:

Pros:

- In a situation like Virginia Tech or the movie theater shooting in Aurora, people innocent, sane people would also have a weapon to turn to in order to protect themselves and take down the crazy person with a gun.

- As the article mentions, there’s a difference between feeling safe and being safe. Many feel that if people were allowed to carry guns the environment would be safer overall.

Cons:

- College freshmen are the same age as high school seniors. Would you feel comfortable giving someone with the maturity level of a high school senior access to their own gun?

- There is a lot of drinking and drug use that typically happens on college campuses. We’re not saying everyone does it, but we’re definitely saying it happens more than it should. We don’t know about you but we don’t quite feel comfortable with a dorm party going on across the hall where alcohol and guns are both in the same room.

- Suicides are rampant during college years. Many students feel completely lost during this time in their life. Combine that with the feeling of failing a class and breaking up with your high school sweetheart, then throw a gun in the mix; would the suicide rate increase with better access to more lethal tools?

Of course these are just a few things we thought of off the top of our heads, so we’re looking for input! What do you guys think? Comment with your opinion!

So go for it: do you think concealed guns should be allowed on campus?

Renter Safety Issues Solved

Renting a home is one thing, but being a renter with a few of the issues listed below is just plain dangerous. Hopefully, if any of these things happen to you it will be nothing more than a mere headache, but just in case things get a little heavier than anticipated, here are a few ways to get yourselves out of the following situations:

1.) Unwanted guests. Far and away one of the worst parts about renting: the random people you have to deal with. If you have a roommate, that means at some point their brother, good friend from high school, old sorority sister or even “this really, totally awesome guy I just met at the bar last night” all have a free pass to your home. And if you don’t have roommates, you’re still going to have to deal with the occasional surprise home inspection (read your lease, it’s in there) or even an additional roommate if your landlord decides he needs an extra room for his uncle that was just released from rehab. I’m making it worse than it sounds, but you get the point.

So how do you protect yourself? Well first of all, make sure the important things are kept somewhere secure. That means anything you’d rather not be messed with (like your collection of old vinyl records) needs to be kept in your bedroom. Then keep it locked up. Door locks, safes, and padlocks can work wonders when dealing with random house guests.

2.) Sketchy appliances. Of course the first thing you should do whenever any appliance breaks is to notify your landlord. Most states have a “duty of repair” which requires them to keep certain appliances (like those used for heating, cooling, electrical, plumbing and sanitary, just to name a few). Keep a record that you reported the problem in writing, and make sure it’s dated as well. You don’t want to be stuck with the bill if you need to move out three months later and the refrigerator still hasn’t been fixed.

The main issue though, is to get the item fixed as soon as possible. A broken stove could result in a more dangerous situation, such as a gas leak. After a reasonable time frame (usually two weeks), you can take your complaint to local housing officials if your landlord hasn’t attempted to make any progress. You can also contact your landlord to tell them you will be hiring a professional to fix the damaged item and you will be keeping the receipt for reimbursement.

3.) A negligent landlord. Or, the problem is your landlord him – (or her) – self. Maybe they aren’t keeping up on any of their required duties, such as putting a new lock on your door, fixing the broken step on the front stoop or replacing the missing handrail on the fire escape. If this is the case, move! These things all directly affect your individual safety, and you deserve better!

And don’t forget; for dorm safety items (like pepper spray, safes and personal alarms), check out our store at www.secureoncampus.com, and for dorm decorations (like dorm lighting, fun drinking games, and wall decals) check out our store at www.thegoodlifeoncampus.com!

Safety Tips in a New Town

Moving, while stressful, can actually be pretty excited. It’s almost like a clean slate, in a way. But while moving may be quite exciting (all the new restaurants to try and activities to do), it can also be a bit dangerous if you don’t know your way around. Maybe there is a certain part of town that you just shouldn’t be wandering around at night, or maybe this city is actually serious when they say an evacuation is in order. Either way, here are a few tips to keeping yourself safe in a new, unfamiliar city:

1.) Do your research. Even if you just do a simple Google search, something is bound to come up. Better yet though, contact the local police department before your arrival. They will be able to tell you where to look to find local crime statistics and even possibly spots to avoid (such as their highest areas of theft or assault). If you are going to a city with a gang problem, it might also be necessary to be aware of the colors you wear in certain neighborhoods.

2.) Be smart with your exploring. Love to explore? I completely understand. Exploring needs to be done in a smart manner, though; if you want to visit the local parks, do so during the day when there are plenty of people around. Central Park, for example, is a fantastic place to get to know, but you should definitely be visiting it during the day.

3.) Don’t make it obvious that you’re new in town. Snatchers tend to prey on those that are clearly unfamiliar with their surroundings. So keep your guidebooks and camera a little out of sight. You don’t want to be standing in the middle of nowhere looking completely lost and vulnerable.

4.) Leave the valuables at home. There is no reason for you to be walking around with your passport or social security card, so leave those things at home. Carry only absolute essentials, like your debit card and ID. If you need cash you can use an ATM, and if these things get stolen they are fairly easy to replace.

5.) Explore with a friend. Getting lost in a new city can be fun, for a while, but it can quickly turn scary if you end up in a poor location or can’t find your way back. If possible, explore with a buddy before you head out on your own. This will allow you to get your bearings straight before you try it for the first time.

6.) Use common sense. If you get an uneasy feeling about a particular location, leave. If the guy sitting across from you on the bus is freaking you out, change seats. There is nothing wrong with trusting your guy, especially in an unfamiliar location.

And don’t forget; for dorm safety items (like pepper spray, safes and personal alarms), check out our store at www.secureoncampus.com, and for dorm decorations (like dorm lighting, fun drinking games, and wall decals) check out our store at www.thegoodlifeoncampus.com!

Questions Parents Should Ask Campus Police

When a student is trying to choose a university or college for the next four years, the efficiency of the campus security is probably the last thing on their mind. Other factors, like the academic and athletic program, price and distance from family and friends will probably be closer to the front of their mind. So here’s where the parents can come in. Wait until your son or daughter has narrowed down their top choice in schools to two or three and then ask each school these 5 questions:

1.) What qualifications to your campus security officers have? Many campus security officers have to go through similar training to that of an actual policeman, but other schools simply make them go through an 8-hour course, hand them a Taser and call it a day. You’ll want to make sure the people responding to possible threats actually know what they’re doing, compared to just a scared kid on a work-study program.

2.) Are background checks performed before security members are hired? You would think, in this day and age, that everyone would undergo a background check before they were hired, but it’s not the case. Background checks do cost money (not a lot of money) and do require some time, so a financially strapped college that needs to fill a job ASAP might skimp on something like this. Plus, the hiring process for campus security could be very different than the hiring process of the school’s professors and other staff. Don’t assume that just because one staff member has undergone a background check that all staff members have undergone a background check.

3.) How is the campus security funded and is it adequate? The national norm for the amount of an institutional budget that is spent on campus security is about 2.5-3 percent. How does this school use their funds? They can brag and brag and brag and brag about the level of personnel they have working for them, but if it’s only people because that’s all they can afford, it really doesn’t matter how outstanding they are. There is only so much so few people can handle. A financially strapped institution probably won’t be able to offer campus security escorts during sticky situations, for example.

4.) Where can I see the crime statistics for this school? One great way to know the effectiveness of campus security is checking to see how many crimes are actually reported. A safe campus doesn’t necessarily mean nothing is reported, it means that of the crimes that are reported, a healthy percentage of them are pursued and solved. Schools with little to no crime reports often mean that students aren’t reporting crimes because nothing ever happens to the perpetrators anyway.

5.) How often does the school conduct a comprehensive risk and threat analysis? The old, “If it ain’t broke don’t fix it” mantra doesn’t work here. Every few years a whole new slew of problems arise, and if the campus security hasn’t been doing its research they won’t be able to do anything about them before it’s too late. Think about it; Facebook stalking has only been around fairly recently. Your school better have a plan set in place for dealing with something like that.

And don’t forget; for dorm safety items (like pepper spray, safes and personal alarms), check out our store at www.secureoncampus.com, and for dorm decorations (like dorm lighting, fun drinking games, and wall decals) check out our store at www.thegoodlifeoncampus.com!

Bullying: It’s Not Just for Grade School Anymore

Now you may be laughing to yourself right now, after all I am doing an entire post on bullying…in college. But it’s more of an issue than you might think. Actually, it might be right up your alley. Turns out bullying in college (or the workplace, or the home, or anywhere, as a matter of fact) is just as common as bullying in grade school or high school. Where there is something somebody wants, there is usually a bully lurking in the corner.

So what exactly does a bully look like in college? Well, the same as it looks anywhere else. Some are outgoing and aggressive, and may even use force to get what they want. Others are smooth-talking and manipulating (Sound familiar? Like your ex-roommate, perhaps?) and relish the simple joys of making you do things you don’t want to do. So how do you get the monkey off your back? Read on.

1.) Walk away. Yes, I know that it sounds simple, and at times it may seem that walking away would only instigate things and make them worse, but it’s quite the contrary. Bullies aren’t angry at you to begin with, they simply want a reaction. Take away their reaction and they’ll quickly lose interest.

2.) Tell someone. Just as the same is true for a child in 2^nd grade, the same is true of a 21 year old college student and a 35 year old office employee. Bullies operate in secret. Bringing their behavior to the forefront makes it clear to them that they are not, in fact, invisible and what they are doing is not acceptable.

3.) Have a support system. It’s very common for someone not to be able to stand up to their bully, but it’s much easier to do when they’re with a large group of friends. First of all, your friends usually recognize when you’re uncomfortable with something and will often stick up for you if you can’t find the words. Second of all, a bully doesn’t want to take on a group of people, they’d rather deal with you one-on-one.

4.) Protect yourself. When worst comes to worst, you need to be able to protect yourself. That means having the campus security on speed dial as well as having an array of personal safety items on you at all times. These could range from pepper spray to a personal alarm to the iWitness iPhone app. All of these are great ways to make a bully stand down before anything gets out of control. And if you ever feel you might need to use one of these items, you sure as hell had better be reporting the issue to campus security ASAP.

And don’t forget to check out our store (www.secureoncampus.com) for even more personal safety items, like dorm safes, laptop locks and even personal emergency kits. You can never be too careful!

When You DO Need to Get Involved

There are times and situations when you just need to keep to yourself and not get involved. However, there are also other circumstances that make it necessary for you to stop whatever you’re doing and help out. These are some of these times:

1.) When someone is in danger. Now let me be very clear here, this does not mean that it’s appropriate to put yourself in danger, it just means that something needs to be done. If your friend is in a violent and dangerous relationship, for example, it’s not recommended that you march over to their house and give their significant other a taste of their own medicine (as much as we all would probably love to do that). Instead, you need to have a serious talk with your friend about what is happening behind closed doors. Naturally, this can be an incredibly difficult thing to talk about, so don’t pressure them for information. Simply let them know that you are there for them and then keep an eye out for suspicious behavior.

2.) Someone can’t take care of themselves. Let’s say you’re walking down the street and you see someone so drunk they’re stumbling in and out of traffic. Now of course it’s not your job to go get them, prop them up, take them home and nurse them back to health, but it is your job (as it is everyone’s job) to do something. Simply calling the cops and explaining the situation (you can even do it anonymously) is enough.

3.) When you’re unsure. This one can be debated, but I’d rather fall back on the “it’s better to be safe than sorry” mantra. For example, a few years ago there was an older woman who lived a few houses up from me. I knew her because my cat often went missing, and I always ended up knocking on her door asking if she’d seen him. One day, while out for a run, I noticed a man in his mid-40’s forcing himself into the house. I went and knocked on the door and no one answered, but I heard someone moving around inside. I called the cops and soon they were there talking to the man. Apparently she was out of town and this was her son, and she had forgotten to leave a key so he could get into her house. When she came back into town (and her son had left) she came over and thanked me for checking on her. Moral of the story: she was perfectly fine, but under different circumstances her life could’ve been in serious danger, and she truly appreciated that at least someone was looking out for her.

4.) When you’re the only one that knows anything. Many bad deeds happen in secret and behind closed doors and if no one knows what is going on things will continue the way they are. If you witness something that is wrong (a professor being inappropriate, a roommate blackmailing another roommate, etc.) speak up! Failing to do so does not keep you on the side of neutrality, it puts you on the side of the offender.

And once again, it’s better to be safe than sorry! Check out our store at www.secureoncampus.com for plenty of personal safety equipment like pepper spray, personal alarms, dorm room safes and more!

Does Your School Need an Update?

I’m sure you have all heard the phrase, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” at one point or another. And while this phrase is certainly useful in certain occasions, there are situations when this way of thinking is downright dangerous. Your school’s role in the level of your safety, unfortunately, happens to be one of them.

Folks, let’s get completely honest for a second here: the world is changing and it’s changing fast. If your school isn’t continually updating their safety procedures, you are in danger. In fact, you’re probably in more danger than you even realize.

An example you say? Why certainly!

Just this month, a student was raped, in her dorm, by four unknown students that did not reside in that dorm. Just how did they get in? They were signed in, by a student that didn’t know them. Now even though this is a blatant violation on both the part of the student signing in people they didn’t know as well as the individual that let them go (they required only 3 out of the 4 students to sign in), there’s an even larger problem at stake. All it took was for a few people to convince someone to sign them in and the entire dorm was at their mercy. Now I don’t know about you, but I’m the kind of person that jumps at the chance to help someone out. Of course I tell myself I would never sign in someone I don’t know, but change the circumstances a little bit and I easily could’ve been in the same situation.

What if it was snowing outside and they just wanted to sit in the lobby? I’d sign them in so they could sit where it was nice and warm. Sure it meant they could go upstairs, but I’d trust them not to. Bad idea? Definitely.

The problem here lies mostly with the school. A policy that requires you to be signed in by someone you may or may not know means it just takes one little white lie to get you in the door. In this case, the school is revisiting their security policy as well as conducting regular floor meetings to reiterate the school’s safety policies.

So what do you think should happen? Should the student that signed the individuals in be punished? What if the student did know them and they ended up raping someone without the student’s knowledge, should they still be punished?

Do you have any ideas for a possible policy change that might prevent this sort of thing from occurring in the future? What kind of dorm security policy to you have at your school? Do you think it’s adequate or that it needs to be updated?

Let us know, we’d love to hear your opinions on this matter!

In the meantime, don’t forget to check out our store (www.secureoncampus.com) to pick up some personal safety equipment of your own like various personal alarms and pepper spray.

3 Alcohol Rules in College

Let’s face it; there’s a lot of drinking that goes on at college. Now that doesn’t mean that if you don’t drink you can’t hang out, after all I have been to countless parties where as soon as someone realizes I’m the designated driver, they make sure I know of the non-alcoholic drink options. And there have also been plenty of times where I have ended up drinking more than I probably should have. Either way though, there are some rules you need to follow if you plan on consuming alcohol during your time at college.

1.) Know who you’re drinking with. I’m not encouraging anyone to get blackout drunk by any means, but if you do happen to get a little too drunk at least you know you’ll be taken care of. Getting sloshed at a frat house with 100 strangers is never a good idea. Drinking not only impairs your judgment, but also you’re ability to defend yourself. Rape is the common violent crime on US campuses today, and alcohol plays a huge role in that crime. Be smart about who you drink around.

2.) Know your limit. As I mentioned above, getting blackout drunk is never a good idea. Not only does it put you in danger because you can’t function (yes, it happens, a friend of mine was killed in a fire a few years ago when he was too drunk to get out of the building), but it could actually kill you. Alcohol poisoning is often the butt of jokes around college campuses, but the dangers of it are very real. Either set a limit for yourself before the night begins, or have a sober friend in charge of cutting you off. And if you continually can’t seem to find your limit when you drink, you might want to consider not drinking at all. Babysitting you every time you all go out is going to get very old very quick.

3.) Arrange for transportation ahead of time. Going out without arranging for a ride home later puts you at the mercy of whomever you happen to come across. Sure your buddy might say to call whenever you need a ride, but if they fell asleep and can’t hear their phone you’re going to end up stranded. Have a few backup options and at least one fail-safe  If one member of your group isn’t the designated driver, you need to have someone else in mind that will come get you when you need to go home. Maybe you have the number for a cab or “The Tipsy Trolley” on speed dial. As a last resort, you can even call campus security to come pick you up. As long as you realize that you should never, ever, EVER, get into a car with someone you don’t know (yes, even if they have candy) and you should never, ever, EVER drive after you’ve had a few.

And if you ever do find yourself in a risky situation (we hope you don’t), make sure to have a variety of self-defense items on hand, like pepper spray or a personal alarm. Don’t forget to check out our store (www.secureoncampus.com) for even more personal safety items!

How to Negotiate in a Confrontational Situation

Safety isn’t just about knowing what to do when something happens to you, it’s also about knowing how to avoid making a situation worse, and whether you’re at a party and fight starts up or you’re trying to discuss your final grade with a hostile professor, you’re going to want to handle the situation in the best possible way. Otherwise, you could end up getting clocked in the face, or worse, a horrible, undeserved final grade.

1.) Speak softly and move slowly. There’s a common difference between people who don’t get in fights and people that do get in fights: people that don’t get in fights have mastered the art of being non-threatening, and when you are non-threatening it means the other person has no reason to get defensive.

2.) Use “I” terms instead of “You” terms. You may have heard this suggestion before, but what does it mean? Well here’s an example: instead of saying, “You’re not making any sense,” say something like, “I can’t seem to understand what you’re saying.” Using “you” terms puts the blame on the other person, while using “I” terms shifts the problem to yourself. You’re essentially taking credit for the lack of communication, which once again makes it difficult for the other person to become defensive.

3.) Affirm their viewpoint. Acknowledging their perspective will also help to keep down their level of defensiveness. Say something to your busy professor along the lines of, “Hey, I know that you have a million things to do right now, but I’d really appreciate it if I could talk to you about my grade for a second.” And if you’re trying to keep your buddy from knocking out a random stranger at a house party, starting off your statement with, “Look, we all know that guy is a total douche but…” and then make your intelligent point.

4.) Ask open ended questions. Open ended questions give the other person a chance to express what is actually bothering them. Questions that end in yes and no aren’t going to get you anywhere. A flustered roommate probably isn’t mad at you; they probably have a lot on their mind and are taking it out on you. As soon as you get to what’s really on their mind, things will run more smoothly around the house. So instead of asking if you both should watch a movie tonight, ask them what kind of movie they’re in the mood for. Their answer should lead to further conversation.

5.) Know when to quit. Sometimes it’s just time to give up. That doesn’t mean you’ve lost the battle, necessarily, it simply means you’re avoiding making anything worse. If you’re trying to negotiate with someone and it starts becoming pretty clear that you aren’t going to be making any progress anytime soon, it might be time to call it a night. Cut your losses and if possible visit the situation at a later time.

And remember, if the situation can’t be deescalated, it’s always important to carry some sort of personal safety device, like a personal alarm or some pepper spray. Check out our store (www.secureoncampus.com) for even more dorm safety equipment!