College Safety Equipment You Don’t Need

Everyone in their right mind wants you to be safe when you head off to college, but there’s well intentioned and then there’s downright preying on your fear of the unknown. Yes, you’re going to a new place, but for the love of God you’re not going to some barren wasteland inhabited only by sex offenders and con artists, you’re going to college! Some safety gear you need and some you don’t, but you’ll only realize what you don’t need halfway into your freshman year after you’ve already sacrificed a respectable amount of money and some quality storage room in your suitcase. So here are a few serious (and some not-so-serious) suggestions for safety stuff you don’t need:

1.) Anything that could be in a Mission: Impossible movie. You do not need voice recognition software to unlock your apartment door, and you do not need eyeball pupil dilation recognition to log into your computer. Besides, if I were a criminal, and I came across a house with this kind of protection I’d have to break in, out of sheer curiosity! And remember, all the voice recognition technology in the world can’t stop a brick going through the window.

2.) A bodyguard. Unless you are a celebrity or the closet blood relative of a celebrity or well-known politician, you do not need a bodyguard. And as much as your parents are trying to convince you that the giant man wearing sunglasses is for your protection, he’s really just some schmuck who finally figured out how to get paid for stalking cute college freshmen. His only really job responsibility is to report back to your parents about your every single move.

3.) A gun. While you may feel safer with a gun in your hand, the chances of you ever needing to use it are incredibly slim. However, the chances of a gun ending up in the hands of your drunk roommate at 3:30 in the morning are much more likely. Bringing something like a gun (or a crossbow, or a pair of nun-chucks, etc.) to college for “protection” is about as stupid as any form of thinking goes. Your college campus already has safety measures in place, meaning if there is ever a chance you would have to pull out a gun, someone else (who is authorized and with much better training) probably already has. Weapons serve no purpose at college except as evidence to horrific accidents. Leave your throwing stars at home.

Things you DO need:

For the most part, think of the basics. You’re going to need something to store you valuables in safely, like a dorm safe, some basic locks (trust me, if you’re going to be living with roommmates you’re going to want some of those), some pepper spray, and if you’re going to be living off campus; a fire extinguisher.

Be safe!


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